remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
