My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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