I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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