do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize