How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
