the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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