her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
