when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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