Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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