try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
