I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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