Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
