What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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