I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
