How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
