last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
