That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
