So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
