I must be too annoying 4 u.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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