I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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