I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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