I'm so fucking centered right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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