On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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