my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
