what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
