Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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