I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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