I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
