break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
