bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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