She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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