if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
