Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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