I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize