the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize