I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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