The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
