I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
