pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
