i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
