My underwear smells like fireworks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
