Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
