drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
