I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
