Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
