OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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