You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
