I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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