our cab driver is having phone sex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
