true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize