The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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