Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
