there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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