You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize