The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize