I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
