everyone is single if you try hard enough
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
