Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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