Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
