Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you had me at cake vodka
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
