just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we're making bets on your personal life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
