she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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