THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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