so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize